The one thing in the world my mom wants most is the one thing I have been severely warned to never do for her: she wants to visit home.

This disease is so exhausting on her and her caregivers and all who love her. I want to give her moments and things that make her happy: attending church virtually, potted flowers, visiting with friends and family, hair care products of her choice, and the list goes on. But the thing she wants most is to see the home and farm where she has spent the last 54 years of her life.

Yet every child of someone with Alzheimer’s and every care giver and doctor of those with Alzheimer’s tells me it would be the worst possible thing I could ever do for her. As bad as she thinks her 1st month at North Woods Village was (it was better than the previous 8 months at home), and as hard as a move will be, they all tell me even 5 minutes on her property, and never mind going in the house, will devastate her for the rest of her years. And she may never recover from that.

It’s not just anyone who is telling me this. It is not only people working in the neurobehavioral health field, it is the children of parents who had this mind boggling disease. These are the people I trust the most. They lived through this. They made these pain filled decisions. They saw the ramifications – for good and bad – of their decisions.

These fellow children wearing these ill-fitting shoes do not warn me lightly. They are expressive, and some filled with regret. Their stories will break your heart and rip your soul.

So the one thing my mom wants most, she cannot have … because I love her and want her to enjoy this life while able.

Morale of this story: Alzheimer’s sucks. In every way.