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So, I get back from a fantastic weekend scrapbooking at an awesome little Scrapbooking Retreat in Marshall, Michigan called the Riverside Inn (http://scrapbookriverside.com/). I recommend it for all scrappers. It is a ranch house, it’s rented either as individuals and they host it and cook, or a group can rent it and cook for themselves. It is on a river and has lots of scrapping room and tools. I was pleasantly exhausted.

Finally, I unpack. I only have one brown fuzzy slipper. I get the suitcase back from the attic. No slipper. I check my laundry. No slipper. I check my sock drawer. No slipper. I reach under the edge of the bed. No slipper.

These slippers are cute AND comfortable. They’re fuzzy brown. They are normally all of $10 for a new pair. I got mine at the Discovery Shop (where all profits after utilities go to the American Cancer Society) for all of $1 – never even opened (they sometimes under price things). I miss my other slipper!

I e-mail the scrapbooking retreat. She replied only days later that the slipper is not found in either the room I slept in nor in the scrapping room. They have adorable rooms, each in a color theme with either two or three beds. Each bathroom also has a selection of shampoos and soaps.

Months later…

I drop something on the floor and it rolls under the bed. Laying on the cold wooden floor, scouching around to reach the item, I find there is a HUGE pile of items in the far, deep, dark back corner. I get a broom, pull the pile toward me, and I find … the missing slipper!

I was so excited, it took me a moment to realize what was in the rest of the pile. Let’s see, it included individual socks, toy mice, underwear (yuck!), left over stands of yarn, catnip toys, and one bra.

Not only do my cats lie about being hungry only moments after they’ve eaten. They are stealing items and dragging them to the least reachable portion under my bed. These things have no dust build-up. They are all clean. My cats don’t slouch, they only steal the best and keep them nice and neat.

Morale of the Story: Dust bunnies might not be the only thing under your bed if you room with mighty fine felines.

I was walking out of church with a woman in her 80’s. She was taking notes. I was in my 30’s. I was taking notes.

She then says to me, “Ever since my stroke, I have to take notes to remember upcoming events and prayer requests.”

Ummm, I’ve been taking notes to remember such things since I was in my teens! 

Morale of the Story: Some of us have the mental capacity of a stroke victim … without benefit of a medical condition.

My mom and I live together in the family home that my father built. In this beautiful farm home, we each have two cats. Those cats … are liars.

My mom is in her mid-70’s and isn’t working outside of the home. I am in my late 30’s and do work outside of the home. What my mom does do is attend meetings and programs. She is active in her garden club, a local historical society, and the women’s group at church on a regular basis. She has other activities that she attends now and again as well. I go out in the evenings and on weekends as well now and again. No matter where we are, we never allow our cats to miss one single meal. You wouldn’t know it to hear them tell the tale.

In has come to the point that when one or the other of us has fed all of the cats because we are leaving home, we leave the other a note. Why? Because our cats … are liars.

If my mom fed all of the cats at 5:30 p.m. because she was leaving for a meeting, and I arrive home at 6:00 p.m. the same day, they will tell me they haven’t eaten for three days by crying out their tall tale of sorrow.

If I feed all of the cats at 9:00 a.m. because my mom went to an early breakfast with friends, and she arrives home a couple of hours later the same day while I’m away, they will throw themselves on the floor before her acting out the pain of their supposed starvation.

If ever, for any reason, anyone heads down the hallway to my mother’s room, her cats will race that person to my mother’s room, nearly knocking them over, to make sure they are fed if the opportunity arises. This remains true if they’ve been fed not even five minutes ago.

Yep, our cats lie for food. Some people stand on corners with signs offering to work for food. Some people have to wait in line at shelters for the hope of a meal. Some feel fortunate to have a once-a-day food drop-off in their area after surviving a hurricane. Our cats, who receive three square meals each and every day without fail will beg, borrow, and steal for an extra meal in between.

Moral of the Story: There is none. Our cats are just plain old beggars.

Saturday is sleep in day.

Sunday is mildly sleep in, but definite nap in the afternoon.

Monday through Friday is work and up too freakishly early.

So, it’s a Sunday morning. I have a bit longer to sleep than Monday. My mom comes to the door, “Get up! You’re late for work!”

Me, “Mom, it’s Sunday. I have another 35 minutes to sleep.”

Mom, “Oh. See you in a bit.”

Yeah, right. This announcement awoke my supposed starving cats. No sleep for the person-owned-by-cats when the cats know that a meal MIGHT be a possibility! To avoid my dear darling Daisy pulling an eye lid down with one paw and sticking the other paw in my eye, I got up.

Oh well, maybe they’d let me nap later.

Moral of the Story: Avoid waking the cat owner attempting to get a few extra winks.

This is a unique skill I have come to possess. Over time, I find new ways to accrue library fines. The latest, my best yet! And I deserve EVERY penny!

1. Reserve and pickup multiple DVDs from the local library.
2. Watch videos.
3. Collect boxes of DVDs that you’ve picked up from the library and return them to the library.
4. Notice that you are now fined because one wasn’t returned.
5. Determine the one in question is still in the DVD player.
6. Take the DVD that has no box to the library and explain that the box was already returned.
7. Library calls you, “We don’t find the box. Are you sure you returned it?”
8. Reply, “Of course, the same day as the others.”
9. Library, “We’ll keep looking.”
10. Two days later, clean behind TV because company is coming.
11. Oops! There’s the DVD box.
12. Return box after hours with a note of apology in the box.

Moral of the Story: This is how you spend $2.00 extra that’s not in your budget.

My mom inherited her sister’s cat. We miss her sister deeply, but the cat is a reminder of her sister’s love of fun. The cat in question was given to my Aunt Gladys by her daughter Julie (heretoreferredto as Cousin Julie). Aunt Gladys thought she’d be receiving another bird, as hers had passed on recently. However, Julie remembered her mother’s love of cats. As Aunt Gladys’ husband Jim was allergic to cats, she could not have one in their home. Now, the opportunity had arrived.

Miss Merry, given as a Christmas present, therefore named after the holiday greeting, changed Aunt Gladys’ life. Aunt Gladys loved dolls, especially porcelain dolls. They were all over the home in tasteful displays. Miss Merry, let’s just say, likes access to all levels of her environment. Within a month, Aunt Gladys put most of the dolls away, except for a few that she had firmly secured in safe locations. In the meantime, she had come to love Merry and her humorous antics. They learned to live together as pet and person-owned-by-pet.

To our great grief, Aunt Gladys passed on from this life in July, only seven months later. Because my mom knew what love and respect Aunt Gladys had for Merry, she offered to take Merry in. We did so the next day. It has been an adventure ever since.

In this particular instance, I had a friend over . This friend spent some time alone in our home while my mom and I attended a family event. My friend, Kerrie, is perfectly content to enjoy Facebook and cable while we were otherwise occupied. As the cats were not coming out to greet her, I provided her with treats to entice them. They were her friends until she (also a responsible person-owned-by-a-cat) felt that they had each inhaled enough treats. No food, no feline friend, so they dispersed … except Merry.

We have two bathrooms in our home. Kerrie then decided to use the one nearest her. However, that bathroom is nearest my mother’s bedroom. My mother’s bedroom is where her cat’s food is stored. Merry, nearly knocked Kerrie over when she realized the direction in which she was headed.

Unfortunately for Merry (not only was it not a mealtime), Kerrie only went as far as the bathroom. When Kerrie was finished and opened the door, there was one very angry Merry on the other side. She was scowling up at Kerry with extreme disapproval.

Fortunately, Merry does not take her anger out on those she isn’t in a long-term relationship with. So, she merely stalked around the house giving Kerrie dirty looks for a while. By the time we arrived home, she had settled down, and Kerrie was laughing about Merry’s latest antic.

Moral of the Story: Merry is a Christmas present that keeps on giving.

I love my old lady cats. They are quiet, calm, and not easily upset. (Well, if it isn’t past their meal time.)  My girls were born in an old barn and lived there the first few months of life. Storms hardly ever make them weary. That is, so long as no personal “injury” comes to them from the storm.

So here’s some background: I have IBS and migraines. If I take a lot of migraine medication, the IBS comes screaming to the forefront. It was 2:00 a.m. I had taken a lot of migraine medication so that I could work the day before. Oops! I have to use the bathroom NOW! I left my bedroom and shut the bedroom door. My cats were in my room. A terrible thunder-storm came up including lightning and rain. A lot of rain. Rain that came into the bedroom window … in which my dear darling Daisy was sitting.

There I am, 2 a.m., stuck on the toilet. And I hear screaming from my bedroom! But I can’t get up. I’ve got IBS, and it’s in full swing. After 20 minutes of stomach misery AND a screaming cat, I am able to get my rump off of the porcelain thrown and into my bedroom.

My dear darling Daisy is sitting on my bed. Screaming and cussing at me. Because she was in the window when it started to rain. I failed in my duty to remove her from the window before her hair got the tiniest bit wet. According to Daisy, this deserves severe punishment.

Daisy woke me to remind me of her difficulty at having the smallest patch of fur being a wee bit wet. She woke me every HOUR on the HOUR for the rest of the night! She knew I had to go to work in the morning, and that my day would not be pretty from lack of sleep. She also told me of her pain and suffering the entire time I was getting ready for work. This is a cat who barely speaks 3 meows all day. Fair punishment as I allowed her to suffer with a wee bit of rain touching her fancy fur. (Seriously, not even a patch 2 inches square … on a 20 pound cat.)

Today, I can see the humor. It is my fault after all. I adore them, I pamper them, and I usually close the window if it might rain. I was very, very wrong. I have been duly punished for my lack of consideration.

Moral of the Story: Always close the window if it MIGHT rain. Gotta keep the old broads happy!

Can you make tea with a hotel room coffee pot? Sure! If you know how to use the machine. Here are instructions on how to NOT use the hotel room coffee pot:

1. Start at midnight after studying for 3 hours for a pass or fail class you are taking for work.
2. Fill coffee pot with water – this step is acceptable.
3. Poor water from pot into the section that actually holds the coffee (or tea bags) – this is where I started to go wrong.
4. Quickly shove the now empty coffee pot under the quickly spewing bucket that is meant for the coffee grounds.

Okay, once all of the water is cleaned up with two hotel towels, try again.

1. Now, I want sugar in my tea. Where do I put the sugar? In the coffee pot.
2. Oops, I think the water goes in the coffee pot first.
3. Remove sugar from the pot and put in cheap hotel coffee mug.
4. Put water in the coffee pot.
5. Poor into the appropriate section at the back of the coffee machine.
6. I mean INSIDE the thingy, not over and on the dresser too.

This time, it took 4 more hotel towels to clean up that spillage. I only have three left before I need to call room service.

1. Now, fill coffee pot back up.
2. Look CLOSELY where the water goes in the back of the coffee machine.
3. Place tea bags where coffee grounds would go.
4. Poor sugar from cheap coffee mug back into the coffee pot.
5. Turn on machine.
6. Oops! Slam coffee pot under drippy thing!!!

Tada! I now have hot tea. Except …  I wanted iced tea.

1. Run out into hallway in pajama’s with ice bucket.
2. Oops, forgot room key, oh well, the hotel room door didn’t shut all the way. (NOTE TO SELF: check this in the morning before class.)
3. Get room key.
4. Go to 3 hotel floors before you find a working ice maker.
5. Return with ice.
6. Place some ice into cheap hotel mug.
7. Gently pour hot tea over ice in cheap hotel mug
8. Go To Bed: It’s now 1:30 a.m. and you have class at 8:30 a.m.

 Moral of the Story: Buy iced tea from a local vendor before returning to the hotel.

Healthy humans have humor. It is a staple along with food, water, shelter, and health insurance. My hope with this blog is to note humorous moments in time.

Why? Because there is too much sadness, despair, natural disaster, human disaster, unemployment, and illness in this world. Because humor keeps me honest, real, and thanking God for life.

I need humor to get through the day. How about you?